The Kids Form a Rescue Mission
by TGLB27
Summary: Bob has gone missing under mysterious circumstances and it's up to the kids to get to the bottom of it. When a strange man shows up to clean up this mess, Louise, Tina and Gene form a plan to get their dad back, and have an amazing adventure in the process. This story will be a multi-parter!


Linda rolled over in bed expecting to find her husband Bob next to her as always; she was surprised when she reached over and found nothing but mussed bed sheets. Linda sat up in bed turned to look at the clock and noted that it was 6:30am. She got up, put her slippers on and walked out of the bedroom into the main hall of their apartment.

Linda, and her husband Bob lived above their restaurant, Bob's Burgers, with their three children: Tina, Gene and Louise, and for the past 14 years every day had gone the same way (wake Bob up at 6:45, get breakfast made, make lunches for the kids, prep for the restaurant open, open by 10:30am, work all day, check the kids homework, cook diner and go to bed) until today.

She went into the kitchen, still no Bob to be found, but decided to start making breakfast anyway. It was a Saturday, but she knew the kids would be awake pretty soon and maybe Bob had gotten up early for something and forgot to let her know.

Thirty minutes and a stack of French toast and bacon later Gene made his way into the kitchen, "Do I smell bacon?" He said sitting down at the table.

"Sure do, and French toast."

"Gene have you seen your father?"

"I have, big guy, kinda balding."

"I meant this morning Gene, have you seen your father this morning."

"Is dad missing?" Tina said walking into the kitchen, now taking a seat.

"I never said that, I just haven't seen him this morning." Linda said

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Tina moaned panicked

"It's fine Tina! I'm going down to the restaurant, make sure Louise eats breakfast." Linda left the kitchen and walked down the stairs and out the door onto the sidewalk of Ocean Avenue. She took a deep breath and took in the early morning air. "Bob, I'm gonna kill you leaving me alone, you better be in here." She took out her keys while she spoke to herself. Looking in the window of the dark restaurant, she opened the door and went inside. "Bobby" she said as she searched the wall for the light switch.

The restaurant seemed normal. Linda walked to the counter, "Bob?" She said loudly as she rounded the edge and headed into the kitchen. "Where the hell is he?" She asked the room. Linda looked around puzzled, "That's it." She went to counter and picked up the receiver to the phone hanging on the wall. She pressed speed dial #1 and the number for their family's emergency cell phone dialed and began to ring. "Pick up Bob." She said as she waited with the receiver. Suddenly, she heard something, it was faint, but definitely there. Then jingle ring to their emergency cell phone.

As she followed the sound she found herself in front of the basement door; she turned the handle and opened it slowly. "Bobby?" There was no answer. Linda gulped as she widened the opening and stepped onto the basement stairs. They creaked loudly with every step she took and she thought about how Bob had said he was going to fix them, five years ago. "Jerk. Bob! What the hell are you doing down here?" She stumbled a little as she hit the floor, then reached up for the hanging light switch, she pulled the chain and the bulb burned bright causing Linda to squint her eyes as she turned to scan the room. When her eyes finally focused she couldn't help but scream, there were four men, who appeared very dead strewn around the basement. One had most of his head stuck in the meat grinder, two were on the floor in pools of blood and the fourth was hanging from the ceiling. Linda backed up toward the stairs screaming, "Oh my God, Oh my God. I'm gonna throw up. Oh, oh God, ok, Bob?" Linda started to compose herself, and quickly moved around the room. "Ok none of you are Bob, what, what's this?" Linda had backed into the man hanging from the ceiling and she turned she noticed a piece of paper stuck to the man, it was folded in half and in what she really hoped was red pen was scribbled LIN.

She unfolded the note and read:

Linda,

I don't have a lot of time, duh. Like probably don't

Have time for the duh, but anyway, don't worry.

There's a crew coming to clean up the mess, sorry for

That, but there was no other way out of that one.

You're probably really confused, and I wish I could explain

But again, no time. Anyway long story short, I'm gonna be

Away for a while, just tell people that I had a nervous break-down

Or something, yeah that's good or whatever you want

To do should be fine, but I will be gone. I'll try to contact

You if I can. Tell the kids I love them, and I love you.

Sorry again for this.

Bob.

"Holy shit!" Louise said from the bottom of the stair case

"Uhhhhh, Uhhhhhh, Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Tina moaned

"My God is this what we've been reduced to, human flesh! Did that visit from the health inspector teach you nothing!" Gene yelled.

"No, no no no no." Linda scurried quickly toward the stairs and her children, "You can't be down here now kids, come on back upstairs."

"Oh, yeah upstairs." Louise began, "There's some dude at the back door, he says he's here for some kind of clean up?" she looked at the dead bodies then back to her mother, "you wouldn't know anything about that would you?"

"Oh cheese and crakers. Come on kids everyone upstairs." Linda corralled her children back up to the restaurant. Linda stepped out of the basement and to the back door, she opened the door and found a tall severe looking man in a long white trench coat standing before her. "Hello." Linda greeted him.

"Are you Linda?" he said

"Yeeaahhhhh."

"OK, I just have one question, is there a deep sink in the basement?"

"Uhh, yeah, next to the washer and dryer."

"Great." He moved past her carrying several buckets and bags.

"Excuse me." Linda said, the man stopped and looked at her. "Who are you? And where is Bob?"

"Uhhh, well I'm Krieger, and when you say Bob, I assume you mean Archer, so that can only mean you have no idea who Archer is, and I probably should stop talking, so yeah I'm gonna go clean up the bodies in your basement." Krieger turned and disappeared into the basement.

"ookayyyyy." Linda responded. She shook her head and moved back into the restaurant where the kids were waiting for her.

"What's going on mom?" Tina asked

"I'm not too sure what happened, or what your fathers involved in, but he's gonna be gone for a while." All three kids started screaming at the same time. "Ok calm the hell down, here take the note he left, Louise, you're always looking for an adventure, find your father."

"Yes!" Louise exclaimed. "Challenge accepted mom, oh yeah, challenge accepted. Tina, Gene I'm gonna need my team, bring it in." Louise put out her fist, her brother and sister followed suit, "yeah team Louise I'm liking this, alright, who wants to find dad, I sure do!" Louise opened the note and read it quickly, "Team meeting in my room, right now."

A few minutes later Louise was looking out of her bedroom window a pair of binoculars in hand, "Ok, that's are target."

"I don't see a target." Gene said holding the binoculars to his eyes.

"No Gene, you see that big van parked in the alley."

"Yeah."

"That's the target, that's the van that guy downstairs drove here in. He clearly knows what's going on, or at least knows dad, so he's our first lead."

"So what's the plan?" Tina asked

"First things first Tina, we're gonna need to call in some assistance for this. You still have the emergency cell phone?"

"Yeah, but it's only for emergencies." Tina said taking the phone out of her pocket

"Dad is missing Tina, if this doesn't qualify as an emergency I know what does."

"Ok, so who am I calling."

"Ugh, Tina, who comes with us on almost every but of schnenagans we get into."

"Uhhhh."

"Just give me the phone and sit down!" Louise took the phone and dialed the number for Jimmy Pesto's restaurant across the street. "yes, I'd like to speak to Jimmy Jr please." She waited for a few minutes, tapping her black mary janes against the hardwood floor. "Jimmy Jr, hey, what are you and Zeke up to for like the next few hours. Uh huh, yeah, whatever, just come over, and bring Andy and Ollie too, we might need extra bodies." She handed the phone back to Tina, who looked concerned but didn't say anything. "Let's do this." Louise said looking back out the window.

A large black van sat in the alleyway behind the restaurant, inside Cheryl sat on the mattress in the back, a bag of gummy bears in her lap. She looked to the front seat where Pam was reclined back in the passenger seat sleeping, she crawled up toward her, and just as she was about to place one of the LSD laced gummy bears on Pam's tongue that's when she saw it. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Cheryl screamed a high pitched scream that jerked Pam out of her sleep.

"What the hell!" Pam yelled sitting up the seat to its proper position.

"Oh my god did you see that?"

"See what?" Pam asked as Cheryl moved from window to window.

"The bunny ears?"

"The what?"

"The bunny ears, there were pink bunny ears moving past the window."

"Ok crazy pants, maybe it's time to lay of the hallucinogens."

"I'm serious."

"Whatever, just sit down."

"You're not my supervisor!" Cheryl yelled as she reached for the side door to the van. She swung open the door and screamed.

"Holy shitsnacks will you calm down!" Pam said as she moved into the back to see what she was looking at. "Huh."

"Hello." Louise said to the two perplexed women

"Uhh, can we help you?" Pam asked

Louise laughed a little, "Oh, yeah I'm gonna need you to move."

"Oh my God, just give it what it wants!" Cheryl said from the other end of the van.

"I think she wants the van."

"Very good." Louise said, she pulled her kuchi kopi walkie talkie out, "Now!" She yelled into the device. Suddenly, the back door of the van burst open, Tina, Jimmy Jr. and Zeke grabbed Cheryl and pulled her out of the van as they hopped in.

"Sorry." Tina said as they closed the door behind them, they quickly moved toward Pam.

"Ok look I don't want to hurt kids, but you should know that I have very extensive hand to hand combat…." She was cut off when Zeke hit her in the back of the head with a box he found in the back.

"Wow!" Louise said as they pushed the woman out of the van. "What'd you hit her with?"

"Beats me?" Zeke said, "let's blow this pop stand." Louise, Gene, Andy and Ollie hopped into the van as Zeke jumped behind the wheel. The keys were in the ignition, he turned the engine over and hit the gas. They only drove a block or two before Zeke pulled over again. "So where we going?"

Louise looked around the car, "Push that button, this looks like a GPS."

Zeke hit the button on the dashboard, the back of the van was illuminated and they all turned to see a woman in a wedding dress with pink hair standing before them. "Where is Kreiger-san?" She asked

"Ok, we clearly hit the wrong button." Louise explained as she nudged Zeke to undo what he did. He hit the button and the woman disappeared.

"That was creepy." Tina said

"Yeah," Zeke agreed, "She was hot though, am I wrong J-ju!" Zeke fist bumped Jimmy Jr who smiled sheepishly. Tina, who was sitting on Jimmy's lap in the front seat shot him a glare. "Oh calm down girl, she's a frickin hallogram or some other magic."

"Enough!" Louise yelled, "My God doesn't this thing has GPS!"

There was a loud ding, then a voice began to speak. "Welcome to the ISIS GPS system. Do you wish to return to the office?"

The kids sat silently for a few seconds and then Louise yelled, "Yes!"

The car let out another ding and the voice said, "Engage Auto Pilot. Please say yes or say back for more options."

"YES!" all the kids yelled at once

"Please fasten your seatbelts." The car said as it began to drive itself down the street and away from the wonder wharf.

Zeke pulled the van into the garage and parked it next to a low sitting purple sedan. The kids hoped out of the car, Zeke walked around the purple car and sniffed hard, "This car smells like weed." He laughed a little to himself as he walked back toward the rest of the group.

Louise stood in the center of everyone looking particularly 007. She'd changed her clothes, and dressed all in black (turtleneck, mary-janes) except for her pink bunny ear hat, she was ready to go. Louise's plan seemed relatively simple, "OK here's what's gonna happen, Gene, Andy, Ollie, you stay by the car, and if anyone comes into this garage you call me immediately on the walkie. Zeke, Tina, Jimmy Jr we're going inside."

"Why do you think you're dad's even here?" Jimmy Jr asked

Louise turned and stared at him, suddenly she lunged and slapped him across the face, "you think I don't know what I'm doing here Pesto! Huh!" She reared to slap him again and he stepped back.

Jimmy maneuvered himself behind Tina and put his hands on her shoulders, "I'm just saying, we don't have any reason to think he's here. We just got into a van that drove itself to this place and now we're about to break into a building to look for someone who may or may not be here."

"So what if he's not here!" Zeke said slapping Jimmy on the back, "This shit if awesome and way cooler than anything else I would have done today. Let's go!"

Louise led the way through the garage and to the first door into the building; they opened it easily and walked into what appeared to be a dry cleaners. "What is this?" Louise said walking toward the counter. After a minute a man came out of the back and moved toward them. "Hello." Louise said in as sweet a voice as she could muster, "I'm looking for my daddy, have you seen him?" Louise snapped her fingers and Tina handed her the family cell phone, she flipped it open and showed it to the man. He took the phone and stood looking at the picture of Bob passed out on the couch, drool hanging out of his mouth.

"Umm, I'm not entirely sure if I know this man." He closed the phone and stumbled back when the little girl was standing on the counter in front of him. "Woah."

Louise reached forward and grabbed the man's collar. "Look," She looked to his name badge, "Popeye, you better not be lying to me because I will find my daddy, and I know he's in this building so we can play this two ways. 1. You tell me what I need to know and show my colleagues and I the way upstairs. 2. I slap your stupid face, then we tie you to a chair and…"

"Ok!" Popeye said breaking free of her surprisingly strong grip. "Man you are super intense, and I really don't feel like getting slapped by another little girl today, so go ahead."

"Did he say another little girl?" Tina whispered to Jimmy Jr.

"Yeah I think so?"

"Do you think more kids are looking for their dad's here today?"

"I doubt it Tina."

"Oh, ok."

Popeye hit a button under the desk, and two sets of washers and dryers along the wall lifted up revealing an elevator. Louise hopped down from the counter, dusted herself off and straightened her hat. "Thank you." She motioned for the rest to follow her. "Let's move."

Rodney, the armory administrator, sat on his stool flipping through a magazine; no one had been to the armory that day and he was feeling particularly bored. He looked up from the pages of celebrity gossip and for a split second thought he saw a pair of pink bunny ears. He shook his head, and when he looked again, nothing was there. He put his nose back into his magazine and continued flipping through the pages.

On the other side of the counter Zeke, Tina, Jimmy Jr and Louise sat just under the window. Jimmy Jr had pulled the ears down so that they wouldn't be spotted. "Louise, those ears are gonna get us killed." Tina said nervously fidgeting in her spot

"Oh really Tina," Louise whispered "because I thought it was your big mouth that was gonna get us killed. God no one taught you how to whisper!"

"Sorry." Tina said

"Shhhhhh" All of them whispered

"So.." Jimmy Jr put his hand over her mouth.

"We know Tina." Jimmy whispered, and then he looked toward Louise and Zeke, "What's the plan?" Louise motioned for all of them to join her by the door.

"I'm gonna knock." She explained

"Knock?" Zeke said

Louise looked at the door again and back to her friends, "This door opens out, which means when this guy opens the door to see who knocked, he will open it out, we will then grab the door prior to it closing and sneak in." Everyone nodded in agreement and got into position next to the door.

She knocked, and slid into her own place next to the door. As planned, Rodney came out to see if anyone was there, he'd opened the door completely pinning the kids to the wall. "Get a hold of yourself Rodney." He said to himself as he let the door close behind him. Louise grabbed the door and walked it slowly back toward the frame. Once Rodney was back down on his stool Louise pulled the door open just enough for everyone to crawl through. They snuck past the desk and found themselves in the middle of the ISIS armory.

"Holy crap!" Zeke said looking around in aww

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Tina moaned ringing her hands together

"Tina, it's ok, we don't need much, let's go." Louise led them through the place as if she'd been there before. She grabbed a belt of smoke grenades, 4 22s with loaded magazines and a shot gun, which she slung over her shoulder.

"Hey Louise maybe you should let one of us take that one?" Jimmy Jr said pointing to the shot gun.

"Why?" Louise said

"Because it's practically dragging on the floor behind you"

Louise looked back, "Hmm, ok maybe you have a point, but listen here, when things get hot, you pass that to me, get it!"

"Louise your being a little crazy; I mean what are we even doing here."

"What are we doing here? We're finding out what the hell is going on, that's what we're doing here!" Louise started back toward the door and when she looked back the rest were standing there, "let's go!" They followed.

Back in the parking garage Gene sat with Andy and Ollie in the van, he held the strange walkie talkie in his hand. Andy had his face to the back window while Ollie paced back and forth. "Would you sit down Ollie, you're making me nervous." Gene said as he passed the walkie from one hand to the other.

"Sorry." Ollie went over to look out the other back window next to his brother. "What are we looking for?" He whispered to Andy.

"I don't know. Anything I guess."

"I wish we were inside with the rest of them."

"Me too." Gene said from the front of the van. He walked toward the back, "you guys are worse at whispering than Tina."

They all laughed a little bit, but their happy moment was cut off when the roll up door that led into the garage started to open. "Uh oh." Gene said, he grabbed the walkie and pressed the button. "Umm Louise, we have a problem here." The walkie crackled and they heard Louise's voice.

" _What is it Gene?"_

 _"Not sure yet, we've got the door opening to the garage, looks like a cars about to roll in."_

 _"Well don't move."_

 _"I'm scared!"_

 _"Duh, that's why we left you in the van Gene!"_

 _"Ummm, you are not gonna like this."_

 _"What is it?"_

 _"I think it's mom!"_

 _"Oh what! Crap, ok don't panic I think of something."_

 _"Hurry!"_

The red station wagon pulled into the parking garage and slowly made its way over to the van. The kids watched through the window as Linda was directed by a man in the front seat, Gene recognized him as the man who came to their house earlier that day. He also noticed the two women they'd kicked out of the van sitting in the back seat. Linda came to smooth stop right next to the van, and as the adults got out of the car Gene took charge. "Quick make sure the doors are locked, Andy take the back, Ollie get the side, I'll handle the front two doors, run!" They scattered around the van pushing locks down and holding them in their place.

Linda walked up to the passenger side door. "Gene, open the door."

"No!"

Linda pulled on the handle, "Come on Gene."

"You can't make me, we're on a mission!"

"Open this door."

"This is my only job and I'm gonna do it!"

Krieger appeared alongside Linda, "I got it." He pulled out his keys and started to unlock the door, but Gene had his hand on the lock. "Hmm"

"What? You can't open it?"

"Not with him leaning on it like that." He moved over to the side door and tried that lock

"Andy, Ollie are you in there."

"Andy and Ollie have stepped away please leave a message."

"Open this door!" Linda yelled yanking the handle

"Sorry, you didn't wait for the beep."

"I'm gonna call your father."

"Ok. Tell him we said hi."

"Dammit. Look Mr. Krieger I'm sorry about the kids, we'll get em out, let's just go get the rest of them."

"Ok, this just isn't exactly a child friendly space."

"Don't worry they've seen a lot of stuff, let's go honey. Ladies, saddle up!"

The adults headed to the inner door, Gene grabbed for the walkie again, "Louise, they're coming! Louise are you there! OVER!"

Gene was about to call for her again, when the walkie beeped. "Gene, not really a good time right now, over." Louise's voice said over the speaker.

"Now is the only time!"

"Gene, this is Tina, Tina, you're sister Tina."

"I know who you are, what's happening, and Mom is coming!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh." There was some shuffling sounds "Gimmie that!" Gene didn't recognize the second voice.

"Who is this?" It was a woman's voice that was for certain

"Who's this?" Gene asked

"Don't you give me a run around; I want to know who I'm speaking to and why and how you've come into this building, and how!"

"Look Lady," Gene began, "I'm eleven years old, I can do this back and forth all day. Put my sister back on."

Back upstairs Mallory Archer angrily threw the small green walkie talkie back toward the kids, "who the hell does he think he is?" She yelled at no one in particular.

"That's Gene, he's our brother." Tina said

Louise smacked her, "Shut up Tina!"

"Sorry."

Mallory walked over, "I'm going to ask you again, what are you doing here and how did you get in?"

Louise looked at her, "And I'm going to ask you again, where is my dad?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about?"

"Oh I think you do know what I'm talking about; otherwise you wouldn't have sent your clumsy henchman to take him out. Which they didn't, and your cleanup guy's stupid automatic driving van took us here….so again where is my dad!"

"What is your name."

Louise puffed up as much as she could, and with the rest right behind her she said, "Belcher…Louise Belcher."

To Be Continued


End file.
